Cobra Pimp

Update: Original route grade suggestion is now 5.14a which is in line with consensus. When compared to other Deep South routes (such as Little Tokyo, LM, JB, Jackal, and Tears), 14a seems appropriate. Only the three ascensionists have successfully completed the top boulder problem despite attempts from some of the South's strongest. The love child of Psychopath, The Pinch (7b soft), and Simply Read. Unlike any other in the South - this one has it all! Warning: Spoilers ahead!Your standard this-is-a-cool-hold-but-how-is-it-still-here 5.11 climbing takes you to a nice diving board jug at around 50ft. Muster up the courage and launch straight into a couple of the hardest moves on the route. Strong fingers, knees, hidden heel hooks, and brute force brings you to a quick shake on a jug slot with bad feet. Say to yourself "Why am I resting? Wasn't I just resting? Oh yeah, that was hard. Now I'm pumped" Maybe this a cute little V6 or something.Some 12- climbing takes you to a corner where you'll do some hocus pocus...or maybe its the hokey pokey...with your knees, biceps, and heels above your head. Clip some draws, or don't, and get rowdy for a big jump over the lip or use those abs o' steel to grab some bad holds and jump a little less. I vote go big cause your exposed silhouette will look real cool to all those chuffers oogling over at you from the second bolt of Magic Meat. Anyways, once you stick the jump you finish up what feels about like a long V6 (Rocklands V9). Maybe 13c to here?If you've made it this far, a no hands is your reward. Did I mention knee pads? Oh yeah, wear one, or two, but definitely one on your right.Now you can see it. Now you can smell it. Now you can taste it. Is it the sweet smell of victory or the stench o' tha punt? Don't punt. You're at a no hands for God's sake! Okay so it's a little core intensive but I've seen you at TBA with your knees behind the campus board doing crunches holding a medicine ball so you're fine. (Editor's note: It's been predicted that Andy Cutler will actually go no feet here. Wowzers. So strong) I digress...Take a deep breath, get all zen, and transport yourself back to Rifle. Your beer is in the creek behind you, your belayer literally has one foot in the car already ready to drive to town to celebrate, Mirsky has lapped you for 5th time, and you've just been given beta on an unrelated route by a local. You're ready. If for some reason you're not, pretend the holds are black, yellow, and white.Use the knee for a couple moves before gettin' all TBA strong and finishing the final boulder guarding the chains. There's another knee sprinkled in there alongside a final starfish exploding glory jump. You've done it. Your psyched. Now flex on that lineup for Little Tokyo clean my draws for me k thanks.

Left side of Buffet. Look for the line that traverses in the corner up high. One right of Labob's 5.13.

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